My Healing Journey

Hi There:

 

It is perfectly OKAY to OPEN UP, to be VULNERABLE. To share your story, to LAUGH about it. To GET HEALED from it, to RELEASE whatever is holding you back and to MOVE ON.
 
Here is my life-story. 
 
1.LIFE BEFORE I ACCEPTED WHO I AM
 
About seven years ago, I was in one of the lowest phases of my life. I was unhappy inside and used to feel a huge EMPTINESS inside me. Because of that I always wanted to look for something outside or someone out there to fulfill me or to love me.
 
I had a good job, I was making good money at that time in Vietnam, and I was into materialistic things. I would feel lonely, empty and would use shopping therapy for my loneliness. 
 
I also looked for and tried to be in love relationships outside of myself. And of course, it didn't work.
 
I was in a never ending loop and life itself was a lifeless routine. Wake up - go to work - and hang out with people in the evening. That was it - OVER AND OVER AGAIN. On top of that I was also experiencing very low self- esteem, I used to think very negatively about myself. Thoughts like "I am not good enough, people don't like me, or there is something wrong with me."
 
Because of that I tried to connect with people around me by trying very hard to seek their approval and ignore myself. I tried changing myself to get their approval, attention, love and in the process I lost myself, I used to live in FEAR, WORRY and SADNESS… And whatever happened, it had to happen.
 
My eight year long love relationship failed the very first day when we decided to live together! We tried fixing it but it didn't work at all. I decided to MOVE OUT.
 
My habit energy at the time was to run away from myself and my reality so I decided to move to the US for getting my MBA in Business Management. Because I had also heard people telling me that US is like heaven on earth. So I thought let me move to heaven. I would be happy and joyful there.
 
When I came to the US I was able to find a part time job and attend the school at the same time but all my problems that I faced back in Vietnam returned to me a different form in their US version :-) The basic issues remained the same. I was still struggling with my emptiness, loneliness and lack of self-confidence and I was trying hard to please everyone around me.